High-Class Escort ‘Samantha X’ Reveals The Woeful State Of Australian Men’s Pick Up Game

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Social media scrolling when single is a world of possibilities. Like a cute pic? Why not. Send a cheeky DM? Wish I’d have thought of this earlier. Late-night flirt? Don’t mind if I do.

There’s a reason the eggplant is the emoji du jour.

The only problem with this, is that – despite the incredibly rich pickings – most men’s Instagram philandering skills leave a whole lot to be desired.

While our bios depict us as Romeos, our pick up attempts expose us for the Mclovin’s we really are.

Earlier this week this was placed into stark relief when high-end escort (and author) Samantha X took to Instagram to expose one of the most bizarre – and hilarious – pick up attempts that has ever strayed into her Instagram inbox.

To the confusion of her 23k followers, our anonymous suiter strode into Samantha’s DM’s with all the confidence of a man who just received a shit ton of funding for his ill-advised startup.

“Hey, how are you V?”, Mr. Hopeful began. “Do you require any personal services or anything [sic] relaxtion at free of cost.”

“Ummm thanks but [no thanks]… Samantha (publically) replied.

While this exchange is comical, it links to a more serious trend of Australian men’s utterly dismal online pickup game, which – as we reported on last year – is steadily becoming more cliche and (especially in the case of the unsolicited dic pic) more inappropriate than your drunk uncle at Christmas.

If you are one of the many Australian men whose social media potential is going untapped, may we offer a few words of advice, courtesy of model (and Instagram sensation) Simone Holtznagel.

First of all, as Simone told us when we asked her how best to slide into a woman’s DM’s: “Dick pics—don’t work. Let’s get that clear. No way, never.”

“That’s not the type of guy you want to be with anyway if he’s sending pictures of his junk to random girls. I personally try to find their mothers on Facebook and forward it on to them.”

To have more luck: “Do a couple of week’s work, follow them, like pictures, respond to Instagram stories (NOTHING CREEPY).”

The final piece of advice Simone offered is to channel your inner Oscar Wilde (“the wittier the better”). Then, all you can do is trust she likes what she sees. “Usually after a while of seeing your name pop up everywhere she will take a look (at your profile).”

But if she doesn’t respond, learn to take a hint, and avoid being held up as an example in someone’s Instagram story…

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